“Habría sido mejor ver a mi hijo muerto, despedirme”: la venezolana que busca romper el tabi del “duelo fetal”

Pero “lo que no sirve” era Matías, su hijo, el que fue alumbrado, muerto, por cesárea.

The BBC World Cup with Gabriel, from a young man, agarrado a ella y tomando pecho. Your sister Gabriel is talking about a baby doll. And, like the apical phenomenon, for apparatus, I first have a torment.

An “I do not find the latides” desató de de Ileana.

Una perinatal death is the curtain that produces itself from the 28th week of pregnancy and up to 28 days after the birth. Each one is produced in the world around 2 million deaths of this type, one every 16 seconds, according to the estimates of the World Health Organization (OMS).

From promedio, un you can only sleep between 37 and 42 weeks. The curtain “is most often lasting the first trimester: the curtain on one of the four months”, explicitly the matron (part) Celia Padilla. The medium that is advanced, ocurre menos. “In the second trimester, it affects one woman every 50 months, and in the third, every four months.”

In the case of Ileana, syntió que algo no iba bien en la semana 38. The doctor confirmed the news.

Le dieron a escoger: parto o cesárea. Ella, tras su experiencia, recomendaría lo m naturals naturally posible: “Parir al hijo, aunque esté muerto, puede hacer que vayas procedándolo”.

Padilla, which is formed in perinatal layers and which attracts the most is a duel, ratification esto. “If you have a vaginal part of a baby that is sinless, it is better for the physical recovery of mom andde how to get pregnantla cesarea is not the ideal “. For example, punctuation, all must be specified in the specific current circuits.

Recall the psychological benefit: “The process (part of you)’s in orbit of what is passing. It is patient, but it kills you in reality. “Cesarea is a fast-paced fashion of the subject, but it does not sound like a duel”.

Ileana does not count on this. Y ella quería terminar con todo ya, estar sedada.

“Because I love being a baby in my head,” he said.

Tampoco se despidia de el, estaba en shock. “No recibí a mi hijo. Habría sido mejor despedirme de él”, lamenta. This is a question that the clinic does not insist on.

Cuando, d despas después, cayó en cuenta todo lo que había pasado, tuvo ataques de panic: “Pensé que me iba a volver loca del dolor”.

In these cases deciduous search ayuda y empezar therapy.

Andrea von Hovelin, Chilean, is a gynecologist and is part of the asset team Ley Domingadeveloped in Chile after the procedure and which implants the implantation of a universal protocol in hospitals and clinics against the perinatal wall.

“The protocol must include respect for time and silence. Hay que explicar las cosas las veces que sea necesario “composed by Hovelin and alluded specifically to the moment when mom recited the news.

From Spain, Celia Padilla advises además that it is “in an inward tranquil and with the least present”.

Von Hovelin habla también del “derecho al acompañamiento, que existe in Chile, pero cuanda e madre le toca parir a e guagua (bebé) que ya está fallecida, muchas vece no se da”.

Ambas professional destacan lo positive that can be seen on the unborn baby y despedirse, always and when the sea is free and voluntary. “Ayuda a ubicarte en la perdida y ser consciousi de la reality”, sostiene la matrona.

For example, the protocol that the Padilla application includes hacer exactly the mismo that with a living neonate: bath, accommodation, dress.

“If you spend a lot of time in the other, the aspect can be effective, as it informs the family.” Luego se da da el tempo tem necesiten para hacerse fotos y despedirse.

“We also need a cajita with las huellas, the pin of the umbilical cord, algún pañal. Así se llevan algo a casa.Save money you can add to the duel at the psychological level “, says Padilla.

Jessica Rodríguez Czaplick, president of Spanish Association of Perinatal Psychologyafter having these actions, see the baby, despair, keep records or take photos, “facilitate the elaboration of the duel, deben ser adequately explained, informed with very delicacy and without forzar “.

Padilla and Von Hovelin coincided in which the mothers who swallowed a curtain no deberían share espacio with other gestants, with moms who are with their babies or “near a parlor, where igan and nios luar”.

Y, but supposedly, in an ideal world, that lasts all the time there are only specialist psychologists in a perinatal duel that are accomplished.

“When I returned to work I did not know what to do. Todo el mundo me huía como si yo fuera la muerte. The hope is that the metas will change the alphabet“, recuerda Ileana.

Count with indignation the retelling of phrases from the last consul who exclaimed as “Dios sabe lo que hace”, “God needs an angel” o “the human body sabe lo que saca”.

“Where can I find something to do here? I do not know,” he said.

The perinatal duel “is unauthorized, unrecognized and taboo. Society is silence and does not allow free expression of emotions and feelings“, says the psychologist Czaplick.

Von Hovelin said that “the shadow does not exist at the moment of demos, considering a duel of the second order”. And, man, “se tapa con la esperanza del futuro, the idea that you can get new shadows or get stuck in what you eat. It generates heat in the fathers and most often in the mother “.

According to the principle of Ileana, there is no room for harassment that requires a minimum of concentration, as much as possible to describe the little diarrhea – “Hoy he pintado un mandala”, “Hoy he leído un pagina de un libro sobre duelo” – .

The five corners of your curtain curtain start algo that has any form of romper the tab of the perinatal duel: abrió la cuenta de instagram @lamamadematiass.

“La creé sin expectativas. La icanica era sanar yo”.

También le hizo ver que no estaba sola.

“Curtains a shadow in the 38th semester to make you feel a little thin, you’re still culpable. hereditary thrombophilia“, when, referring to the nurse who, through the perpetrators, was diagnosed as the cause of the death of Matthias.

Log in to create a community. “Sanamos juntas. I’m not a psychologist, but my experience is an internet.

Con esa luz, reviewing the duel: “Hay miedo al que dirán, nos tildan de exageradas, que está mal estar sad. Muchas inclusive of recurring burlas. Pero nadie debe minimizar el dolor. “Solo tú sabes la historia detrás de tus hijos”.

Follow the diagnosis of Ileana thrombophilia, play the solution -anticoagulants- and a new pregnancy. And with it, a new emotion: the middle.

“It’s cracked.rememora.

The expert consultations consist that no hay un timed adecuado to fly to search for a curtain, but it is important to respect at least a little before physical recovery, tampered with to correct the duel correctly.

“It’s normal to be full, but if it ‘s incapacitating, I’m not looking for a pregnant woman,” said Celia Padilla.

And in the misma line, the psychologist Jessica Rodríguez Czaplick says: “The embarkation can be searched as a form of ocultar el dolor por el bebé fallecido. This is actually a series of big errors “.

On the other hand, Andrea von Hovelin recalls that, ocurrir, “a series of accommodating people (in the motherland) and entertaining a new gestation placed with a quota of senior members”.

Ileana tuvo miedo, pero lo sstuvo y, as recommended, también aprendió a vivir la allegria durante su nuevo embarazo. “Hay que tener paciencia, autocompasión. Aprender a confiar”.

Ella, finally, you have an archer’s pregnancy, it’s decided, it will be a term of two years and 9 months after the death of Matthias, from a deep duel, from the hours of therapy.

If you can say that the world does not fall, that hey mamás that, but much as it was intentional, did not find the torch detachable. Acuna to Gabriel, who has been dormed between his arms. Ileana lo mira: “Tenemos derecho a creer en los milagros”.

Experts recommend that this is a personal and long process, family and family is a struggle. Pero, al igual que otros duelos, hto respect the characters and emotions, as well as the vivirlo form of each person. al respect is key.

The choices: there are no words that can be used by consoles, even if they are used.

Eviten decir: “Sigue adelante”, “Sé fuerte”, “Saldréis de esta”, “En nada ya tendréis otro”, “Es mejor así”, “Mejor ahora que después”, “Sois jóvenes, no pasa nada” or “Al menos ya tenéis otro hijo “. These expressions do not advise dismantling the dolor.

What to say: “You can not imagine the pain; but it’s here”, “Imagine that you’re about to die”. You can serve a simple “Do you know a lot” or ask “What do you need?”. If you can get an abrasion. Only to be treated alone, silently, haciendoles saber that comprise ese dolor and that are present and dando apoyo.

The progenitors should be clear as they can be have the right to express their sentimentssu dolor.

It is normal sentir otras emotions like rabia, sadness, vacío e, incluso, esperanza. Hay que darle espacio a todas.

Nombrar a su bebébecause it exists.

Transit your duel in all its stages.

Puede ser bueno hacer fasting rituals (funeral, caja de recuerdos). Can be used casually in case haya hermanas or hermanos.

Hacer “tribe”: Get acquainted (gain, obtain) with present-day techniques that came from People.

Pedir ayudar psicológica with experts in perinatal duel.

Recuerda que you can download BBC World notifications. Download the newest version of our app and activate it before using our best content.